27 September 2007


Lots going on in my world. Not all of it good. Some pretty bad. Pretty down. Oscillating between fuck it / self destructive / meltdown. *sigh* Fuck it will, of course win. I am always like this at these times.

Really missing Matthew lately. And now, really, really missing him. We always leaned on each other, and I could use his shoulder to have a little breakdown on, even for just a moment.

Been thinking about the times we spent together a lot. Happened to get lost in GoogleEarth tonight, and pulled up Lake Travis. I love that place. We spent a lot of great times there. One of the best was just the two of us, and we took my boat from Mansfield Dam way, way up, almost to Marble Falls Dam. That's a long way. A whole tank of gas. We almost ran out, and wound up buying gas at dusk at this little marina that thankfully to credit cards. I remember paying over $100 to fill the boat for the ride back, in the darkness.

Back at the ramp, a bunch of people with their big trucks were there, and one was spinning its wheels on the wet ramp trying to pull a medium-sized boat out. We just slowly pulled the boat out of the water and up the ramp with my BMW station wagon. S-l-o-w-l-y. And got cheers.

I miss boating. I miss Matthew.

Where's that bottle of wine?