04 February 2006

just not a good day

Today was not a good day, for me or for SHG. On my side, I had to meet my ex halfway to Austin in order for him to take the dogs. We sort of have joint custody over them, although they have been with me since we broke up a year ago. He's come to see them, they've been to Austin for short visits. But they have always been here with me or coming home in a short time.

However, because of this commuting / heavy travel schedule think I have going on, and G-Hopp moving back to NOLA sooon, the best thing is for them to go to Austin. Until now it's been hard for the ex to have them, logistically, but now it is possible, so it works out.

Sort of. I have been stricken with fear that I will never see them again. The ex and I are not exactly on the best of terms. It's been a rough few days leading up to today. He's said I will get to see them. I am not sure if he will let them come back to live with me when my work world settles down again, or even if we will share them something like 50-50.

This morning we went for our last walk on the Bayou before they went to Austin. As the sun was rising and the mist rose off the water, they tore down the bank, a spray of water from the dew on the grass enveloping them. A heron took off gracefully. It was just the perfect moment. And the perfect moment to get all teary.

Both the pups have to have some mild sedatives for long car rides, so the ride to the meeting point was uneventful except for a few teary moments on my part. I got nervous and started shaking taking the exit ramp. I was early, he was delayed by some clusterfuck near Austin. I am really glad for that: I got to walk the dogs in a field for another 30 minutes and say goodbye, and be all teary in private.

When he arrived he had some boy with him. Yes, some "friend" to help him keep them from trying to climb into the front seat, which they are apt to do. Plausible yet convenient excuse. I was pretty stunned and the fucking audacity. I could not have a last comfortable kiss goodbye with them. We put them in the Jeep and went around to my truck to go through their flea medicine etc etc and I lost it. That fucker. He was disturbed that I was so upset, and reassured me that I would see them again, etc. He wondered what was up, and I just said "what do you think?". Well, that started it, and we could no longer be civil so it got hateful. I should have just kept my trap shut. I hope he lets me see them again when I am home from my travels.

So now I am back home, and the house is so empty. It's a beautiful day, and my first thought was to take them out on the Bayou. The new real estate agent will be here in the morning for getting going on getting the house back on the market again, and there's a ton of cleaning to do. I just don't feel like it. I have a ton of work to do for work, I am so damned behind and I don't feel like doing that either. Fuck it. I just want to curl up with the kitties and read my book (Wicked, a wicked-good book) or sit outside and read.